Half a Cup of Blues

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Emotional Scorecards

You know that some people keep them. Every single thought, gesture, or behavior is tracked and thrown up in their partner's face when they feel they are being shortchanged.

"Well, I did X, Y, and Z for you so you OWE me the BFD that I want from you!" (<-- this is caca colored to match my opinion of it!)

Why do people do that?
Do they think it builds healthy relationships?


ratitude may be a nice thing to receive now and then but it isn't the reason that I do things for people. It is, in fact, almost a way of life in working with the special population of kids that I do that you may be cussed at, called every name under the sun, have things thrown at you, and be charged (like a bull does) just for asking kids to take out their math books. The kids are so fractured and beaten down by other people's expectations by the time they reach me that thier own hostility is their best friend.

I do what I do because I love it. I love pouring out from inside of me and filling them up (with hope, with love, with faith, and with belief in who they are) as long as they need it and then some more. Some people get really burned out and can't do that for very long when there is no reward or payback in it. It's not like that for me. I don't expect anything from them. The very giving is rewarding to me. It makes me smile to see them slowly grow and come out of their shell-shocked hiding places within themselves. They may come in hating me because I represent "them," the establishment, adults, authority, and everything that has been negative in their lives so far, but by the time they leave me it is almost always a vastly different story. It fills me up to know that I WILL make a difference in those lives, if not today, then one day down the road.

Conditional love is difficult to maintain. It is a wrecking yard of broken promises, crumpled scoresheets, and closed minds. A person who keeps score will never find someone who treats them as well as they think they ought to be treated. There will never be enough to balance the scorecard.

I was very fortunate to have that kind of unconditional love in my adult life, not as a teacher, but as a woman. There were no emotional scorecards, no need for one-upmanship, and no conditions on that love. It was incredible and fulfilling on a level that very things in life ever are. People should never settle for less than that.

Throw away your scorecards and give of yourself because you want to and need to. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. If you always try to give more than you receive then you will find that you are always overflowing. It's funny how it works like that. Love is the most magical thing in the world: the more you give away - the more you get!

If you aren't getting enough then you probably aren't giving enough.

My 2ยข worth.

Today's Plan: Give more.


  • I imagine this blog entry was spawned from the journal entry I read today over at RP?

    I agree with you. Part of who I am is giving of myself freely, not expecting anything in return. It's just how it is with me. Do I get things in return? Sure I do. I just don't expect to.

    By Blogger newwavegurly, at 5/17/2005 8:07 PM  

  • Amen. I firmly, way down deep in my gut, believe that the love that we give is based on who we are, not on the person we are loving.

    By Blogger edieraye, at 5/17/2005 10:00 PM  

  • M, you have nailed it once again. If we can all somehow learn to become less selfish and help/smile to others, a ripple effect will take place and sooner or later, it will bounce back to us, making this world a better place!
    Here's mine- :D

    By Blogger Jas..., at 5/18/2005 12:13 PM  

  • Amen, sister! Gifts are beautiful things that must be given freely and from the heart - one way, birds in flight. Otherwise, what we're dealing with is trade.

    Generosity of heart is a blessing on everyone.

    By Blogger bhd, at 5/19/2005 10:54 AM  

  • Yes, it is best to enter into all giving endeavors with no expectation of any return.

    You really do get so much more in return that way.

    Or at least it seems that way.

    By Blogger Allan, at 5/19/2005 11:21 AM  

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