Half a Cup of Blues

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Something missing ...

There are many things that I don't mind doing alone: driving with the music up loud, house cleaning, reading a book, even dining out isn't so bad when you're by yourself (though I seldom do it).

But...

Sleeping.

I sleep sporadically at best and often not near enough. I wake up constantly and begin most days still tired and unrested. I am not at peace when I sleep.

I hate sleeping alone. I miss knowing that someone I love is right there next to me, within reach, close to my heart. I miss waking up and listening to the sound of someone else breathing beside me. I miss having my hair brushed out of my face by hands other than my own. I miss that first sleepy smile of the morning. I miss seeing the look in those eyes that say, without words, "You are my whole world."

The man that I loved died 20 months ago and left a gaping hole in my serenity.

I'm tired. I want to sleep like I used to. I want ...


Today's Plan: Take a nap and not feel guilty about it.

10 Comments:

  • wow! beautyful blue eyes!
    regards

    By Blogger maquina, at 5/15/2005 11:21 AM  

  • :hugs: Michelle, and I concur.

    Are you going to report the insensitive spammer or am I?

    Well, even before I posted, it disappeared!

    By Blogger Yibbyl, at 5/15/2005 4:04 PM  

  • I just deleted it.
    It had no place here.
    I haven't managed that nap yet.
    May just have to save that for another day.

    I hope that your day was a good one.
    It's raining here and that, somehow, suits me just fine.

    {hug}

    By Blogger ~Just Michelle~, at 5/15/2005 4:11 PM  

  • Michelle, I cry for you. Here's hoping that you find some happiness and sleep. I have to have at least 8 hours a day or I'm not worth the butter on morning toast.
    As a side note, my goodness you have gorgeous eyes. As another side note, I wonder who the insensitive spammer was. I got a message myself from the id- truthbetold. I deleted it too. No place for mean comments in my world.
    You're in my prayers, girl!
    :)
    Jas...

    By Blogger Jas..., at 5/15/2005 7:24 PM  

  • I hope you find a wonderful dream waiting in the sleep you do get.

    By Blogger mo, at 5/15/2005 9:01 PM  

  • Michelle,

    The world turns, then it turns again. If you can accept that this is how you should feel, given where you are, and that one day you'll look back and this pain and lonliness will be lessened - maybe even gone.

    Try to do what Dorrie says in Finding Nemo, "Keep on swimming, keep on swimming."

    Schultzie

    By Blogger Schultzie, at 5/16/2005 3:23 PM  

  • I know what you mean... the feeling of that warm body next to you in bed is a feeling I miss often.

    Our lives move on. We will both find those warm loving bodies for our beds again, Michelle.

    :hug:

    By Blogger newwavegurly, at 5/16/2005 6:35 PM  

  • Hi Michelle, I came to your blog from CurryLeaf's "Orange-a-whelmed" blog.

    Your post made me feel like crying... I pray that you will recover your inner serenity and find peace even in your sleep.

    By Blogger Shyam, at 5/17/2005 2:55 AM  

  • Michelle, I just can't even imagine how difficult this grief process has been for you. I so admire your strength and your honesty about the times when you don't feel so strong. I pray for you that the peace and happiness in your life will grow even stronger and that when the time is right, that "snuggle-buddy" will come along who will bring even more love to your heart.

    Here's hoping you will get some good sleep soon, too!

    Love, Jennnn

    By Anonymous Jennnn, at 5/17/2005 8:55 AM  

  • I just couldn't find the words for this...But I have been alone before and I had the same feelings.
    It took me 5 looong years to find my soulmate.It will happen for you.It really will.
    Love ya Doll !!

    By Blogger Jay, at 5/20/2005 11:25 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home