Half a Cup of Blues

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Magic in the Emerald Forest ...

That's where I spent the weekend.

12 acres under the canopy of giant redwoods on the California coast near Trinidad. The fog rolled in and temperatures varied from the mid 50's to the low 60's.

Patricks' Point, just north, was beautiful. Wedding Rock (where we heard there really was a wedding going on) and Agate Beach were filled with flora and fauna that seem exotic compared to my hotter habitat inland.

The whole weekend seemed magical but I know that it was the company more than anything else.

I think that the magic is really all about taking the time to enjoy where you are, what you are doing, and who you are with.

Today's Plan: Enjoy the moments....they add up to a lifetime.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

It's in the blood ...

Or not.

So a few of you know that I've been having lab work done the last couple of months after my iron dropped dramatically low and I couldn't give platelets (I'm not allowed to go back until the doctor clears me again).

Well, the dang iron capsules are freaking HUGE! 150mg. of green clogger upper (TMI!). Blech!

My iron level has increased back into low normal ranges but something is not making her (my doctor) happy. I'm not really sure what it is or even if she's sure there's something wrong. It sounds more like she just wants to be sure and cover all the bases about some of my numbers being a little wonky. I seem to be bruising extremely easy. And I'm tired. Excessively tired. I fell asleep in the waiting room of her office!

I've been referred to a Hematologist. That's just a blood doctor, right? No big deal.

I have blood. Plenty of it. And needles don't scare me either.

More poking and prodding coming my way (and I'm not talking about the GOOD kind either!)...

Other people need some good thoughts right now so how about some strong energy for Lexie and a GREAT job, BHD's house closing without further ado, Jay finding the best job, and, above all else, peace for Kelli and those who care about her.

Send positive thoughts to these good people. Thanks!

Today's Plan: Focus on the weekend - ocean camping and cool breezes.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Boy, oh, boy!

That's right.

The boys have lost their minds this week!

Okay, two thirds of them have. I only have three boys in the classroom right now (and ten girls). One of the boys has suddenly become the most charming, attentive, well-behaved young man that you could ever imagine. He frequently leads the classroom group activities and has been maintaining very high behavior scores for two weeks now.

Then there are the other two. Polar opposites. One is autistic (with possible onset of schizophrenic/delusional episodes) and the other one was labeled as mentally retarded until we fought very hard to have that removed and a more formal diagnosis of specific learning disability put in place. The former has had an explosion of pubescent hormones which, while covering his pale frame with wild tufts of black hair, has also scrambled his fragile mind. He attacked 3 different people today and has difficulty even articulating why he is feeling like a grunting, flailing wild man. The other one, usually a quiet bible toting young man who also happens to have a serious case of diabetes, got up from a bench and and tried to pound another young man who was about half of his 250 pound size.

Now we have some male staff on the campus but they certainly don't happen to be in MY room. I have two fulltime female instructional aides (awesome women!) who happen to be about 10 years older than I am. We tend to run this classroom smoothly and efficiently and are proud of the fact that we have fewer behaviors in our room than any other classroom on the campus. Until this week, that is. I have no clue what's going on. The heat maybe? It's been around 105° - 108° most of this week. Puberty? One is a 17 year old late bloomer and the other one is a 15 year old early bloomer. Is Mercury in retrograde again? There's only half of a moon out so I know it is not that. I'm going to end up bald (from pulling my own hair out) if I can't figure out what's going on and how to help them. Math, English, History, or Science seem fairly unimportant on the scale of trying to help someone save their own sanity.

If it makes me feel this bad and helpless then how incredibly awful it must be for them.

It makes my brain hurt and breaks my heart for them.

Today's Plan: Take deep breaths, think outside the box, & don't give up.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

When Death Comes by Mary Oliver

For Kelli...
Who always does things on her own terms.

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

~Mary Oliver~

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Home ...

10 days gone and just now back home.

I did not want to get back into my Explorer and drive away.

I hated it.

Just before I went to my conference last Wednesday I came down with a killer case of sore throat. It was awful! The coral reef was growing inside my throat! Swallowing was excruciating for days and days (and nights, too!).

I was sicker than I've been in a very long time. I finally saw the doctor (walk-in clinic) on Friday afternoon and she put me on HUGE antibiotic pills for the nasty owie on my tonsils (yes, I still have them!) and she also prescribed something wonderful called "Magic Mouthwash" that finally let me get some sleep after 3 days of tossing, turning, and getting up. I had to have been terrible company! I just wanted to sleep and even that wasn't easy between the burning up and shivering cold spells. I was a mess!

And, through all of this, Yibbyl was so sweet and so tender. I even ate his ice cream while he was at work and he didn't mind! He went and got soup and he had it all ready for when I woke up.
He kept giving me plenty of cold water to drink when I was hot and he snuggled with me when I was cold.

Last night it was time to load up and come back home and I wanted to just sit down and cry. I didn't want to leave there or leave him. I really don't even have the words to express how much he touches my heart in the big and little ways.

Wanna know a secret? I love him.

Today's plan: To dream and plan of a new future...together.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

While I'm Away ...

I'm still not home and won't be for a few more days.

But, while I have the opportunity, I wanted to check in.

This has been such a fantastic week. I met some of Yibbyl's best friends and immediately liked them! I really enjoyed the time that we spent visiting.

I had a great day on Sunday at Marine World. We rode a couple of the rollercoasters, saw the dolphin show, then the killer whale show, and ate junk food until we were dizzy with sugar overload. But the coolest thing for me was the stingray tank. I was able to reach over and pet them as they came gliding by. That was wild! After a few timid touches I finally managed to stroke one from the top all the way to the bottom and along it's tail. Then it did this startling backflip and swung back around right underneath my hand! It reminded me of a cat sliding under your hand for some more loving. I, of course, was happy to oblige and almost had to be dragged away from that tank since I was loving it, too! We walked a ton and my feet were sore the next day but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

Yesterday we were invited to BBQ and visit with Jas and his lovely wife and adorable daughter. Also in attendance were two friends of the family (K & L), one teddybear hamster and one cat. K had to leave shortly after we ate but we had plenty of time to visit with L and we decided that we adore her and are going to adopt her as our friend, too, whether she likes it or not!

Around 6pm we loaded up in the cars and headed over to Cal Expo to watch a magnificent fireworks display and had the chance to meet Jen, Monkey, and their family, too. Most of the pyrotechnics were accompanied by patriotic songs but my favorite, by far, was the segment where they played the Louis Armstrong song,
What a Wonderful World, and they matched the fireworks to the lyrics! "Fields of green" - green flashes of brilliance, "red roses, too" - red flashes of brilliance, "skies of blue", "colors of rainbow," all the way through until he sings of the faces of people going by and then there were happy face fireworks in the sky! I kid you not! Smiley faces all around us in the night sky! And when he sang that the looks and how-do-you-do's really said "I love you" there were red hearts all around us in fireworks! I'm a sentimental fool, perhaps, but it made my eyes get all misty.

And through it all my hand was being held by Yibbyl.

I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly blessed I feel.

Today's Plan: Make sure that man knows how lucky I feel to have found him.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Timeout ...

I'll be away for a while.

Carry on blogging without me!

Love ya's!