Half a Cup of Blues

Thursday, June 30, 2005

3 + 1 = Family

There are looks and then there are glances
Breathing deeply and taking chances
Smiles on the lips that climb to the eyes
Long warm hugs and blissful sighs

A voice on the phone that brings a grin
A heart-door opens and love slips in
The words are tremulous and hang in the air
But once they are spoken two souls lay bare

It takes courage to be both vulnerable and brave
To ask for the love that your heart does crave
But when you send it out and it returns to you
Then you know for sure it was real and true

Your lover and partner is still your great friend
So you plan and arrange for these two lives to blend
Antcipation, excitement, and so much more
As this family of three now becomes four.

July & August shall be months of transition.


Time ...

Summer school. Oh, joy!

Actually I don't mind working and I certainly know that the students in my classroom need every bit of extra time that they can get. Retention is an ongoing battle for many of these young men and women.

So, here I am. I'll work today and then have 5 days off for the July 4th holiday weekend.

Then... I'll be at a 3 day conference on a new program that we'll be using this coming school year: Aggression Replacement Training.

Then another weekend off.

My kids won't see me for 10 days!

This will almost be like a vacation even though I'll have to be learning, too!

I hope that you are all having a lovely summer!

Today's Plan: Make special contact with each student today.
Ensure that the next week will be a fun learning experience for them.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

What's in a Name ... ? (I wish I was ALL that!)

Okay...I finally backtracked so that I could credit the blog where I found this little gem.

Thank you , Karla!



Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

What ... ???

What is the "meaning" of life...?

What does "love" mean to you...?

Do we have a purpose...?

Are Destiny and Free Will mutually exclusive...?

Is Truth absolute or is it just open to anyone's perspective...?

Are opinions right or wrong...?

Is there a God...? (Did He make us or did we make Him...?)

Are we evolving or degenerating...?

Is the water safe to drink...?

Just a few things to ponder on this Hump Day...

Monday, June 27, 2005

Jason Three'd Me!

Ha! You pervs thought it was something else, didn't ya..?? *lol*
Well, Jason got it from Jen so ya really just never know!
We're a wicked bunch o' bloggers!


Three nicknames that you have had: Peanut, Punkin', and Missy

Three things you like about yourself: My contagious smile, my naughty nature, and my loving heart.

Three things you don't like about yourself: I procrastinate, my messy desk, the extra weight.

Three things that scare you: The idea of one of my children dying, losing someone I love, dying before I've fully lived.

Three of your everyday essentials: Hugs, kisses, smiles.

Three things you are wearing right now: Tank top, panties, and....er...smile!

Three of your favorite bands growing up: The Kingston Trio, Peter, Paul & Mary, and The Coasters

Two truths and a lie: I am blessed, I am loved, and my checkbook is balanced.

Three things you can't do without: Love, humor, and time.

Three things you most certainly can do without: Mean people, hair in my food, and spiders in the bathroom.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Costa Rica, New Zealand, or Alaska

Three things you want to do before you die: Write an award winning book, cook as well as my mom, and see my grandchild accept the Nobel Peace Prize.

This was very interesting. Thank you, Jas!
Now...Yibbyl you are IT!


And...from Melanie who got it from....damn that Jas again!

I'm the Kinda Girl That:

...tickles your fancy (and anything that may be ticklish, too).
...kisses with her eyes open.
...sings out loud in public.
...laughs at herself regularly.
...forgets to check the oil.
...hugs the kids in her class and tells them that she loves them.
...loves to go camping.
...is drawn to water like a moth to a flame.
...knows how to keep a secret.
...likes a cold beer on a hot day.
...loves a hot cup of tea on a cold day.
...eats Oreo's without milk.
...showers with water hot enough to peel paint off the walls.
...shivers and snuggles when she's cold.
...shares her chocolate with strangers.
...dreams of strong arms around her.
...spoke of her love and her dream came true.
...counts the days until the miles are erased.
...listens to Radio Paradise 'cuz it rocks.
...loves her friends and family with all her heart.

...tags her friend Lexie because she is the MOST interesting lady and is sure to have all the right answers!

Public Service Announcement ...

A lot has been happening in my life recently.

Some people know that and others have probably guessed.

Much of what has been happening has been exciting and even life~altering.

But it has also been kept mostly private out of consideration for others.

There won't be any announcements but there is also less need to be so completely private.

Blogging as been somewhat restrained and much less personal
(even somewhat boring, I guess).

I'd like to see that change and get back to saying what I think and feel...
without so much filtering.

True friends accept you, imperfections and all.
Others will simply sit in judgement.

I'm okay with that.

There are so many things to be thankful for right now.

And I am. Thankful.

Today's Plan: To give my friends the freedom to be themselves
... and be loved as they are.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Color my world ...

I got this from NewWaveGurly who got it from Alison...who got it from...you get the idea.

you are violet

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Twitterpated ...


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Booked for the weekend ...

So I've been tagged by Alison .

(1) Number of books I own: OMG - way too many!

I have about 300 upstairs in the house and the wall of books from the old house is in boxes downstairs. I guess that to be around 300-400 maybe. I've also taken about 200 books into my classroom and donated them to the school.I really like Allan's idea about downsizing, though, and using the local library more. I also have a group of friends at work that we all just pass books along and share them which gives us a whole lot of different conversation topics to get into in the break room!

(2) Last book bought: The Princess Bride by William Goldman

(3) Last book I read: Blood Work by Michael Connelly

(4) Five books that mean a lot to me:

* Courage to Heal
* Reviving Ophelia
* Lord of the Flies
* I Heard the Owl Call My Name
* To Kill a Mockingbird

(5) Looking forward to reading: (I added this one!)
* The online books of J.A. Kowing

As for tagging someone: Jason and Yibbyl.
(I don't think very many other people come here anymore)

Today's Plan: Find where I put The Princess Bride so that I can read it while camping this weekend.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Time is precious ...

Don't waste a minute of it.
Don't put off the things that you really want to do.
Don't let the people that you love ever walk away angry.
Don't let opportunities slip by.

Do tell your family and friends that you love them and are proud of them.
Do take the time to forgive anyone that needs it (yourself included).
Do make contact with people (shake their hand, hug them, touch them).
Do take care of your health (for yourself and those who love you).

Time is so very precious.
Life is fleeting.
Cherish the moments.

Grab life with both hands.
And drink every single drop.
Take as much as you can...
Give twice as much back.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Just under 600 miles ...

That's what I drove this weekend.

And I got to hug one of the loveliest ladies that I've ever had the pleasure to meet. She just moved to California from Ohio and she sure brightens up whatever place she is in. Someday I'll have to put down in words how much she inspires me and how much I admire her.

I heard wonderful stories from a man who, I swear, has done everything! And tells it with wit and charisma, too! He's been a chef and a cabbie. He knows so much information that I have no clue how he stores it all and whips it out at a moment's notice! He's a gifted poet and storyteller. He needs to write a book!

I met a charming man who fought a dragon and lived to tell about it (okay, he was hit by a car on his bike and was pretty banged up but still came out to join us). He tells the story of how he met his wife with such energy and expression that I can't wait to meet her some day. He obviously adores her!

And then there was that other person. There is too much to say and this isn't the right time to say it so that one has to wait a while.

I know that this probably sounds boring as heck to anyone reading but it was such a great weekend. I saw some of the Highland Games (in Campbell, Ca.) with a great group of people and each one of them I had met from the internet (www.radioparadise.com) and that's pretty amazing, too.

Must find some Z's now - G'night, world.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

A Wise Lady left me a Gem ...

"Every day that we act with our integrity and for our highest good is a pretty good day.

But that doesn't necessarily make it easy, or fun."


I had to share this with all of you.

It has incredible significance to me, personally. Through the failures and successes of my life I know that I try to be sincere, caring, and honest in my words and deeds. I fall sometimes. I fly sometimes. I am, as I claim to be, a regular (generic) person who just does the best that she can each day. When I screw up, which I can do spectacularly, then I do my best to OWN it and make amends. Ducking my responsibility would just rob me of the opportunity to grow and learn as a human being. I don't want that. It is better to embrace the painful and work through it than it is to remain numb and unfeeling.

I am free~flowing water and not a stagnating pond. Each rock that I flow over is not a hurdle but, rather, a filter and cleansing agent. The destination is not nearly as important as the journey itself. There may be dams and droughts but those are not insurmountable. They are merely inconvenient. And, even then, they are great opportunities for growth.

I am humbled by the grace, wit, and integrity of those around me, young and old. We travel the roads and the riverbeds together and yet we are each alone and individual. It is in finding that balance of being the drop of water or flooding river that we find we can quench thirst, move mountains, energize communities, or even wreak havoc.

If, in each decision that I make, I keep BHD's wise words in mind then I know that I can live with the results. Whatever they may be.

Thank you, Cathy! *hug*

Today's Plan: Think, weigh options, and choose wisely.

Past the Witching hour ...

So, today has to start being better.
NWG and Yibbyl both assure me that is so.

I believe them.
I have to pay better attention to who can be trusted
Today's Plan: Take what I've learned and move forward.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Is it Tomorrow yet?

Someone has been hurt. By me. There is no denying that. The fact that I did not mean for the hurt to happen doesn't really matter at all since it doesn't change the fact that the hurt exists. It also doesn't really matter if anyone believes that the pain this person is feeling also hurts me. It exists outside of anyone's belief and has a life of its own.

I had to make a choice and, trust me, it had to be either/or. There was no a litle bit of this AND a little bit of that for me. Maybe for other people, but not for me. So I chose and in the choosing of one it meant the saying goodby of the other. Therein came the pain. For this I am sorry to the depths of my being.

What I chose was and is right for me. I know it. I feel it. I acted on it. There will be joy in this at some point and I know that, too. But not right at this moment. Not while another hurts on the sidelines.

Now, in the midst of all of this, revelations were made. Some good and some not so good. I will not elaborate on that other than to say that people continue to amaze me. Some good and some not so good. I already knew this, generally speaking, but it was in quite specific terms that this became clear to me today. I should be able to learn this particular lesson without repeat performances. I can live with that. As this day ends so a new day will dawn.

The new road looms in front of me and, as I stand here and gaze out on the horizon, I know that this will be an adventure of epic proportions.
I am about to take a step forward.
Towards tomorrow.
Towards the future.
Towards ... everything.

And so it begins.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Road Less Traveled ...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

~Robert Frost ~

I have chosen the road less traveled.
More to follow as the journey unfolds.

Added 6/14/05 10:30 PM

There are many paths that we travel throughout our lives. Some take us to places that we like and others take us to places that leave us scarred but still free to travel on. We never know what's ahead as we begin the journey. We just do our best to choose as wisely as we can. Sometimes we can tell the rough terrain from the smooth path but we still do not know what's over the next hill.

I made a big decision this evening to take the path that recently crossed the one I was already on. It was not a decision that was made lightly and I know that it impacted other people than just myself. That could not be helped or avoided. I
believe that I made the best possible choice, for me.

This is a new chapter.
What it holds is yet to be seen.
I remain optimistic.
The view is lovely from here.

Today's Plan: Take one step at a time and keep an eye on the horizon.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Under a Neon Moon ...

The car saga continues...

I drive a Plymouth Neon. These are basically your modern day disposable cars from what everyone says. I can't really complain because it has been inexpensive and gotten me where I need to be for last few years and it gets over 30 mpg.

It's been having a run of bad luck lately. Okay, to be a little more honest, it hasn't had the most dilligent upkeep that a car can have. At least not this last year anyway. So, maybe it has been feeling neglected and is getting attention the only ways it can: by breaking down - out of town!

Seriously, the darned thing keeps breaking down while I'm out on the road somewhere and not at home! Weekend before this last one I had to buy 2 new tires while in Nevada. This last Friday it was sputtering and being difficult while I was visiting my friend so I took in and had an oil change and new air and fuel filters installed. I thought it was a happy car after that. I was wrong.

It still sputtered and and didn't want to go where I wanted to go so we had a little talk on Sunday. After new plugs and wires I thought we had come to an aggreement. Again, I was wrong. Stubborn little Neon was not gonna budge.

According to the man at the parts store this is a classic case of a bad catalytic converter. I have no real clue what that is or what it does but it sounds important (and expensive). So the little Neon hitched a ride home and piggy backed a nice yellow tow truck while I visited with the driver, J. D., who was just as cute as could be (and half my age!).

You'd think the weekend was a wash, wouldn't you? But, no, it was still a lot of fun. I didn't worry too much about the car (even when I thought it might be a blown trasnmission or engine) because worrying doesn't change anything. It is what it is, right Jen? I still enjoyed the awesome company of my friend. I was driven everywhere since I was car(e)less. I got some pool time in and I think I even toasted the tops of my, well, nevermind!

Oh, and I had a Bloody Mary on Sunday morning that would knock your socks off! YUMMY! And that's saying something from someone who does not like tomato juice. You spice that puppy up enough and add some "special" ingredients and you've got a winner!

All in all, I really cannot complain. The Neon will be down this week while I track down parts and get them to my mechanic but I can drive the Explorer so I'm not stranded. I have three days off and the first two days back to school for summer session are both field trips that were arranged way ahead of time. So, even with the 4 new kids that I'm getting on Thursday, I think we'll be okay. We'll start with some fun stuff and go from there.

Fun isn't really something that happens to you by accident. It's what you make it. It comes from a place within you that refuses to let life beat you down or hold you hostage. It is in your outlook and how you handle the curveballs. You can duck & roll, and come up laughing or you can walk away mad.

I have been working hard on just relaxing and letting things be what they are without any interference and that works for me. I've seen people try to manipulate events, words, and even other people, and it just doesn't work most of the time, in my humble opinion. It, especally, doesn't work when it is done with selfish motives. I know that I don't like feeling manipulated and I don't think that other people do either.

Hey, wait a minute, I was talking about fun! I must have been side-tracked there for a minute! I really hope that everyone who reads this finds their fun and shares it with those around them who touch their lives, too. What do ya say? Group hug?

Today's Plan: Relax, do what needs doing, and have some fun along the way.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Miss GoodWench ...

A wenching we did go!
The 8th grade graduation party tonight was a medieval theme.
Guess who got to be a hostess?

Yeah, I'm the one in the middle!

Why am I always the short one...?!?!

PSA: No cleavage was showing when kids arrived!

Getting Real ...

As the school year draws to a close we often pause and take personal inventories of ourselves and where we are going. This year has been no different.

Today, we examine the road that we have chosen to travel.

I have, as previously stated, a self-contained classroom with 12 students in grades 9-12. Each student has at least one mental health diagnosis and various other specific learning disabilities and/or conduct issues. We are one of the most restricted school environments this side of a locked facility. Our goal is always to help students learn to manage their behaviors sufficiently enough to transition to a less restricted environment. This often translates to something along the lines of: "If you don't assault anyone for (___) days and follow all of the school rules then (maybe) you can go to the continuation school," or some other modified setting. Our students truly struggle to make it back and many just give up and quit trying altogether.

That's not the case in my classroom. We are not a room of failures; rather we are a room of successes in progress. Every student can be successful at something. You find what it is and build on it, and build, and build, and ...you get the idea.

Today, we celebrate success.

Two very neat young ladies will say goodbye at the end of school today and start their first day of summer school in the local public high school tomorrow. One has been here for five months and the other has been here for 2 years (but only in my classroom this last semester). They are incredibly different young women. One is quiet and shy and the other is loud and endearingly obnoxious. The latter has had to learn to control her mouth these last few months and she has made great strides. The former has had to focus on not hurting herself when she feels anxious or depressed and she, too, has been incredibly successful.

Today will be a day of tears.

But they will be good tears. I'll miss them both like crazy (they hug me about ten times a day each!) and, even though we're getting four new students in here next week, we will still feel the void that they leave behind. Each student brings something unique to our room, touches our lives, and leaves something behind. No matter how big the challenge, we are better for having crossed paths. I won’t cry because I’ll miss them, though I will, and I won’t cry because they won’t need me anymore. I will cry because I love them and am so very proud of what they have accomplished. I am not a “fixer” though they often think that I am. I supply the tools and teach them how to use them but, in the end, it is their own decision whether or not to make changes in their behaviors, habits, and lives. They have the power; they had it all the time.

Today will be a day of goodbyes.

I will say goodbye to the 2004-2005 school year.
I will NOT say goodbye to my girls. I will see them every week for the next few months to offer support and encouragement. They may leave my room but they never leave my heart.

They are, now and always, my kids.

Today’s Plan: Keep tissue nearby and smile through the tears.

Monday, June 06, 2005

F ...

Not knowing what I want or even thinking that I may have a clue but not knowing what to do.

Is it worse to not get what you want or to get it and find out that it really wasn't the right thing at all?

What am I going to do about my job? When will I decide and how will that play out?

Things will work out and the future will, eventually, reveal itself.

I can do this. I feel good. Wanna feel...?? *g*

Can't help it. I'm not bad...I'm just drawn that way!

Life rolls by quickly and time wasted can never be bought back. Slow down.

Appreciate what is and quit freaking out over what if's.

Today's Plan: Fly ...

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Stuff happens ...

Thankfully, a friend checked my oil and water before I left for Reno or that might have been a disaster waiting to happen. I seldom remember stuff like that.

What did happen, though, was a flat tire in the WalMart shopping center parking lot in Reno.

2 new tires later and it is too late to drive home so I have to find a place for the night. Holiday Inn had room for someone as unprepared as me.

Mt. Lassen was beautiful on the way home. The snow capped peaks glistened under the late afternoon sun.

I'm home. I'm tired. I'm crashing.

Tonight's Plan: To sleep deeply.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

The Biggest Little City ...

The Goobers (my 15 year old twin boys) are flying to Missouri for the summer later today. *sigh* It is one of those mixed blessings where I know that I'll have some quiet time but I will still miss them like crazy. They have the energy of a couple of caged Tazmanian devils and, trust me, they can really wear me out! Even so, I will miss the little heathens. Well, not so little, I guess. They are both taller than I am already and they love to point that out to me quite often.

I haven't written much here this week but that's not to say that a lot hasn't happened. Quite the contrary. I just don't have the words to write it all down or, even, to know where to start.

It's a beautiful, sunny morning here and I'm getting ready to go to Reno, Nevada (where the boys will fly out of this year). I'm not much of a gambling person but I have come to realize recently that life, itself, is all about risks and rewards, knowing when to fold or when to go all in. You can't win if you aren't willing to show your hand.

Maybe I'm more of a gambler than I thought I was.
Maybe I can't gamble at all.

Today's Plan: Play the hand I'm dealt and let the chips fall where they will.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Which Rock Chick was I?

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Okay, this was liberated from NewWaveGurly who liberated it from AliThinks.

Who are you?